Self care after witnessing painful client stories

When we start working with EFT in helping others we’re going to notice all kinds of reactions and responses come up. We might not like the attitude a client has to their situation, or how someone badly treated the person in your care. This can derail our own calm and then ability to help others. We can end up resenting the work that we do. Here's how I handle this.

Chris Ensey

At the end of each day, sometimes straight after a heavy client session, I reflect on what didn’t flow in the session, and where I have any judgements or reactions to what I've heard and witnessed. I then sit and tap through every contracted viewpoint I can find. I always leave a 30 minute gap between sessions so that I can tend to my energy as a priority.

In the beginning this may seem like an endless task. So then you set a time limit, e.g. 30 minutes a day and you deal with what is possible in that time frame and clear the most intense reactions, e.g. anger, disbelief, fear that it could happen to you. As you continue doing this, the strength and breadth of your pain and any judgement will diminish. It gets easier and it’s then a personal choice how ‘clear’ a channel you wish to be.

I’m not sure if there’s a personal limit to how far I choose to process my reactions. I used to judge marital infidelity when several clients brought their stories to me. After those sessions I tapped through every judgey view I could find. Then the compassion flowed, and it stopped affecting me mentally.

At an extreme, I know that I will report to the authorities on what the law requires me to or if someone is immediately about to physically or psychologically harm another – I’ve never had to do this in my 20 years as a full time practitioner. It also helps that I live in a liberal democracy where civil liberties are maintained and so any reporting would relate to serious crimes. Nonetheless, do I need to carry around my own harsh judgements about abuse stories? With tapping on myself I get to drop that baggage.

Clearing my reactions doesn't change my critical view on those topics. Instead tapping through my reactions and reflections has greatly contributed to my depth of peace. This is because I’m carrying less judgement about other humans. To be clear, I'm not condoning such behaviour. It's just this self-clearing approach means I get to enjoy my own deep peace, and share it with others who come into contact with me. That helps those in ways I’ll never fully understand as a human, but I’m making a difference. This is ongoing work - we never get it done.

Ultimately, my self care allows me to be a clearer channel for the compassionate support of my clients. With all that inner clearing there’s even more space for me to experience joy and delight in my daily life. So I get to radiate that in my own unique way.